First, this is not a “what is abstinence?” post, it is a response to something I read.

I came across an article on Facebook about a young lady who’d saved herself till marriage or rather a month before marriage and ended up married with bad sex 😳 there is nothing wrong with this(the concept of waiting till married) I applaud her and I am a teeny bit jealous. (of the concept, not the eventuality)

I mean this woman literally took every fear and threw it at me like validation validation validation.

Incompatible mates are predestined to fail unless you are both willing or capable of change right? In this case, they were unevenly yoked…a term you hear more time in church in regards to spirituality, but it’s so much more than that.

I feel like they waited too late to have the elephant in the room conversation… not her fault she was a virgin who’d probably heard from friends and got her views on what sex should feel like from everywhere else. It never occurred to her, and even if it did, coming from a culture, growing in a society where women are shamed for owning their sexuality she probably thought it best to wait till after to speak about it.

The amount of slating she received is unbelievable!!! Ok not really in this age but seriously people were saying things along the lines of;

“if you were a virgin how did you know it was bad.”

“You should have tried harder. Had a conversation figured out what he liked or told him what you wanted.”

One woman, yes these are all the comments of women, even went as far as to say, “there’s no such thing as bad sex it’s impossible because sex is too nice.”

Cue: crickets / tumbleweed /cartwheeling jester

How has she been blessed with such carnal abundance and joy? Hardly seems fair to be honest lol

The fact that this woman was ripped to shreds in a vulnerable state, instead of being lifted and told it’s ok these things do happen. Is worrying to me…the man the one with all the experience and according to her story disinterest in meeting her halfway was left blameless…how dare she have an opinion on her vagina 😒

It’s one of the reasons I’m still single, and not far off two years celibate. Men (the majority) I’ve found are sensitive souls…selfish beings. They take things personally and for granted. There are the exceptions but like unicorns… oh wait.

My decision Is not entirely religious, it’s more about being true to myself…even if being true to myself means saying no to potentially bad sex… to feeling unsatisfied. Unheard. Degraded. Ashamed. Unloved. Incomplete. Uncomfortable. These are adjectives that, in my humblest of opinions, should never accompany sex.

That’s a resounding no to thinking “uh really? I just reset my abstinence clock for that?!” Believe me, it gets old…Also, if a man talks like the sex is going to be earth-shaking, he’s lying, has too much time; the sex will be atrocious. If the sex is great he’ll show you hunty there’ll be no time for adlibs. The only talk will be each time he reminds you how great it was the last time. Don’t be conned ladies, learn from those mistakes (yes I’m hurt)

We as women need to be able to let go and be free, have plenty of candid conversations with your significant other, friends other females in similar circumstances about things like family friends sex children work ethics likes dislikes fantasies pets household chores the future finances allergies phobias life politics religion LIFE hopes fears dreams and sex.

This is is why I’m single! I should be able to speak openly and freely about the things that are of importance to me and likewise so should he… all of this without fear of judgment or it being used against you manipulatively or otherwise…I can’t do casual and now I won’t do uninformed, because, again, I am too old lol.

What about you?

2 thoughts on “Abstinence

  1. I agree with everything you say although I waited for marriage for sex with my ex. We had numerous divisions about reasons why we’re waiting and it was great throughout the marriage. We weren’t concerned if it was going to be good or not and it was. But I have had some terrible sex in the past and it usually fell in line with the level of attraction and respect I had for the men, or should I say lack thereof. Sex really is just the icing on the cake, is sure as hell wait and be committed intimately through communication than have sex and decide if I want to keep dating someone which seems to be the norm these days. This was a great read though and I’ll be sure to share it.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.