I signed up to tinder.

I’ve been going through this online dating “see what’s out there phase” once a year every year for three years now… POF, match, eharmony, signed up to seeking arrangements, tinder, happen and Kik this year… by sign up I mean I created and deactivated profiles within hours…

I like men, their strange mannerisms, their outlook, how they generally always know they’re right even if they are wrong… the way they have a penis instead of a vagina! Simple things the conversation with a man hits differently.

Incase my future relationship is reading this, I also like food, books, going on long drives, dates to the theatre and working out.

But I digress!!

Tinder, I keep matching with people by accident. Then because I don’t know how to act with my awkward self, I just unmatch and hope they never notice… am I a bad person?

It’s actually a terrible set up for lurkers like me, who just really want to know if they recognise anyone on there.

Here’s how it works.

You gotta swipe left ⬅️ for no. Right ➡️ for yes. Up ⬆️ for super like… to read profile you also gotta swipe up… after pressing on the ℹ️ for information which then presents you with an arrow that kinda pauses all other swipe actions and provides you with access to anything they’ve written about themselves… and here is where you mess up…if you forget to press the ℹ️ before swiping up to read said profile; you end up out here super liking everyone and their neighbour. Purchasing an upgrade to tinder gold will give us the option to undo a swipe and a plethora of other helpful, save yourself from the embarrassment tools.

If however you match on purpose, there is opportunity to send messages to each other.

Tinder has been touted as a hookup app… hookups are for people not like me I am definitely not always prepared and I overthink things like, did he bathe today? Am I due a shave? It’s definitely not like in the movies. I’d be like sooo you not gonna wash your balls/butt/hands/body before we get started?

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